Christchurch rocks!

September 8, 2010

I was rudely awoken early September 4, 2010 by my bed shaking like one mother of a rocket ship about to blast off. When I realised it wasn’t a fantastic wet dream I quickly lit a smoke and glowed in the aftershock waiting for take off. Thank God it stalled!

Next day I went out and saw a few bricks had landed on my flat bedroom roof and looking up a story above was this huge brick chimney vicariously leaning over which if it had fallen would have landed right over my bed and I would have gained notoriety as being the only casualty in the earthquake which I thought would have at least given my friends a good laugh at the irony of my death by chimney. I might have even got a piece on ‘Cambell Live’ about the unluckiest smoker in the world and one of my Facebook friends could have made a killing by selling my authorised smoking t shirts. On a more sombre note, I now know why they say smoking in bed is dangerous.

Being a professional  thrill seeker I shunned advice and shockingly slept in my bedroom the next few nights and today they came and took the chimney away so sadly there went my dream for tv star dumb and t shirt sales up in smoke. (sorry Facebook friend ) In reality I must be one of the luckiest people in Christchurch as I had no real damage or hardship at all other than losing a few more brain cells and gaining a grey hair. When I go outside though it’s like walking around as an extra in a bad Fellini movie. ( house next door and across the road are both condemned)

4 tips for preparing for earthquake ( which I didn’t do )

1- have a couple of litres of water stored.
2- have a radio that works on batteries and have the batteries that make it sing.
3- have a full lighter which is good for seeing in the dark and lighting smokes.
4- always wear a clean pair of underpants just in case you have to kiss your ass goodbye!